The One That Never Should Happen
by BookWorm37
Summary: Hmmm...there's a temple on a planet out there that was built as a fertility clinic for men. COMPLETE Slight SJ humor


_A/N: Someone asked me for a baby fic, but I had to get this one out first. I hope you all like it._

"Unscheduled off world activation!" Walter shouted into the intercom system as the klaxons blared into life.

"What do we got, Walter?" Hammond asked as he bolted down the stairs.

"We're receiving SG-1's IDC, sir," Walter Harriman, technician and Chevron Guy, stated plainly.

"They're not due for a check in until 09:30! Open the iris!"

"Yes, sir."

The iris opened and a few moments later SG-1 walked through the 'Gate, looking pretty good considering they were five days premature in returning to the SGC.

"SG-1! What happened?" Hammond asked as he ran into the Embarkation room.

Daniel and Teal'c were looking slightly amused as Jack thrust his P-90 and vest at the waiting SF. Sam looked at her CO worriedly as Jack told Hammond, "Don't ask, sir. Don't ask."

If Hammond didn't know better he would have though Jack was suffering from PMS.

"Very well," Hammond said, "Report to the infirmary. Debriefing is at 14:00 hours."

"Yes, sir."

SG1SG1

"SG-1, what happened?" Hammond asked, starting off the briefing a few hours later.

"Not much, sir," Jack said, clearly irritated with what had taken place on the planet they had just returned from.

Sam winced at Jack's harsh tone, "Initially, sir, the planet seemed to be harmless – there hasn't been any activity there for a couple hundred years."

"Then we found the temple," Daniel butted in. "That's when we asked you for permission to stay."

Hammond sighed, having heard all of this before when Daniel had asked for permission to remain on the planet and study the temple. "What happened after that?"

Major Carter took up the narration, "Well, sir, inside the temple we found a device emitting strange energy readings."

"What sort of energy readings, Major?" Hammond asked, his patience nearing the end of its life.

"I'm not sure, sir. Colonel O'Neill ordered me not to touch it," a smirk played across Sam's face as she said those words.

"Then he touched it himself!" Daniel said cheerily.

"HEY!" Jack yelled, "I didn't do it on purpose! Sir, what happened was that Carter was studying the device while Daniel and Teal'c were trying to figure out what the damn walls said. I _accidentally_ touched the device when I tripped over Daniel's pack."

"_Touched_? Sir, you knocked it over and nearly broke it!" Sam reminded him.

"So what does this device do, exactly?" Hammond asked, his patience fading rapidly.

He noticed the shade of red that Daniel's face was sporting and turned his attention to the archeologist. "Umm. Well, from what I could decipher from the walls … the room was a sort of fertility clinic … for men."

"What are you saying, Dr. Jackson?" General Hammond asked, already having a feeling where the 'good' doctor was headed.

Daniel just looked down at his hands, "Janet should know for certain what the side effects are from the device, if any."

Just then Dr. Janet Fraiser rushed into the briefing room, holding three thick folders in her hands. "Sir, the test results from SG-1 have come back."

"What have you found, Doctor?" Hammond asked, motioning for her to sit down.

Janet sat down next to Sam, opening the lab results on the table. "Well, sir. It appears that Major Carter is pregnant."

"What!" Hammond yelled.

"That's impossible!" Sam screeched. "I would have known!"

Janet sighed, passing the results to Sam, "There's a high level of hCG in your blood, Sam. And that's not all, sir."

"What now, Doctor?" Hammond asked, feeling a headache coming on. "Are you going to tell me that Colonel O'Neill is also pregnant?"

"Actually, sir … _all_ the members of SG-1 show high levels of hCG in their blood." Janet said, looking down at the lab reports before passing them to Hammond. "We'll have to perform an ultrasound on each of them just to be sure, but it looks as if we have three pregnant men on our hands, along with a pregnant woman. Sir."

Hammond groaned, dropping his head into his hands as he felt a migraine start to develop. This was so _not_ happening. What the hell was he supposed to do with three pregnant men? Not to mention a pregnant Carter! Jacob was going to flip.

"Is it possible to tell the maternity of the fetuses in the men of SG-1 at this time?" Hammond asked, trying to put things in order in his mind.

Janet sighed, "No, not at the moment. But because Major Carter was the only woman in the room at that time, and I spotted two tiny spots over the area directly over her ovaries … I believe it's safe to say that in four months, when we'll be able to run the tests that all will have Major Carter as the mother."

The eyes of everyone on SG-1 were wide with shock. Major Carter was the first to speak, "Then who's the daddy of my baby?"

Janet looked down, "I don't know."

Hammond woke up with a start, having fallen off the hard military cot he was sleeping on while waiting for his premiere team to get back. They were due back in a few hours and he had just gone to bed after catching up on paperwork. That was one thing he had in common with Jack O'Neill – loathing of paperwork, except Hammond knew how to suppress it and get it done on time … the Colonel was still trying to get up to that level.

The klaxons started blaring and within moments Hammond was standing behind Walter as the GDO code came through. "Who is it, Walter?"

"It's SG-1's code, General."

"They're not due back for a few more hours, open the iris. Medical Team to the 'Gate room," Hammond said, rushing down to the 'Gate room to check on the team.

"SG-1, what happened?"

Daniel's eyes lit up as he started talking, "We found a temple!"

"Oy veh," Hammond whispered, before saying out loud, "Report to the infirmary." He could only pray that his dream didn't come true. That was one that should _never_ happen.

_A/N: I know, I know, I hate dream sequences too, but this was the way it wanted to be done. Please review and tell me what you think. No flames, please, but I'll accept all constructive criticism.  
_


End file.
